f#&% second dates

first dates suck. but SECOND DATES SUCK MORE.

No, I did not go on a second date with Dr. Catfish (fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…actually, shame on life for always fooling me at least twice).

I went on my first second date with this guy who really seemed wonderful. He was an ambitious pharmacist, clearly intelligent, and had a sort of nerdy but suave charm about him. Our conversations were fun, but more importantly, really interesting – like TED talk interesting. After 2.5 hours – I started to think that maybe online dating had potential, maybe my story could be the story that misleads encourages all the other hopeless girls that these horrific dating apps CAN work if you have impeccable screening skills & aren’t too bad of a catch yourself.

But in the thirty second walk from the restaurant to my parked car, Pharmacist tried to MAKE THE MOVES. In his defense, we DID talk for 2.5 hours & in ManLand, two plus hours of talking is probably the equivalent of watching a stripper dance around in a modest pantsuit. Slight tease with a side of blue balls? So I guess I can understand how he might have felt mentally undressed/animalistic. But, as I tried to say goodnight and do my usual Sidehug-4-Strangers, he just WENT IN for the make out. IN PUBLIC. Thank goodness it was 10pm where anyone with any sense of prudency was probably at home saying their nightly prayers. BUT SHEESH. I was not at all ready for the kiss. Not ready mentally. emotionally. physically. (I’m STILL doing Invisalign BY THE WAY, I STILL have attachments on my teeth)

I felt weirdly violated. Is your tongue in my mouth because my entrée was $27.00? Or am I overthinking this with a weird “if you pay for me, I owe you” Asian philosophy?

I don’t know. REGARDLESS – any hot memories I had of Pharmacy Boy telling me to eat more bananas because my heart medication flushes out potassium – were drowned out by this unwelcomed tongue fencing.

The worst part about it all – is that this poor boy probably has no idea how I feel about any of this. I felt so awkward about the whole thing that I ended up giving him one last peck because I wasn’t quite sure if we were done kissing. I ended any potential of a relationship the day after with a super generic break up text and he just replied with “thanks for telling me” that had a bit of a  “f#&% you” twang at the end. Or am I projecting?

Point being – DO NOT kiss me if you do not know my FIRST MIDDLE AND LAST NAME AND/OR if I do not know YOUR last name. I guess what I am saying is that I am a total prude & physical affection scares me.

At the same time, writing this uncharacteristically long blog post because I am hoping Pharmacy Boy will somehow find this blog, read it, and realize that I actually had a wonderful time with him but the relationship got too fast too furious. tokyo drift. I hope he continues to take girls to nice restaurants & open up to them about how he used to eat cheese with apples but now he eats cheese with carrots. So weird, but also, so adorable. But seriously dude, lay off the second date smooches.

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